MAKING LEMONADE

One cool thing about being retired is the ability to focus because there’s not so many things that have to get done; with the exception of the things, you really want to do!  It seems to me that everyday responsibility and routines can be detrimental if not seen in context.  Having so many things to do and/or deal with, important things, as a human being are perplexing.  If you’re like me, a person that is proficient at multi-tasking but this ability can make us most vulnerable to not taking time to reflect.  In other, words slow down and assess.  Lack of reflection can sometimes not to realize life’s sweet spot, “the sweet life” (The term “the sweet life” can refer to the Italian phrase dolce vita, which translates to “the sweet life” or “the good life”. It’s a concept that embodies a lifestyle of leisure and enjoyment, and a celebration of life’s pleasures.)
Let me explain. Having so many things to do can many times serve as a consistent mean of distraction of the need to self-reflect which can be defined as “the ability to witness and evaluate one’s own cognitive, emotional, and behavioral processes”.  Here’s my point, notice the need of self-reflection can be flagged by a specific action.  For me that action is that’s making enjoying a glass lemonade, fresh squeezed, of course.   At times, just the taking the time to make a good glass of lemonade is the means for me to slow down (honestly forced to at most) and remember to take time for myself to self-reflect, slow down and do something nice for yourself.  Hence, time to make lemonade. Sept 2024

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“Goin Thru“

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As I come to the end of 2023 my life has been being lived, which is the reason I’ve not posted in a while.  Life has been going on which is a good thing because in 2023 people I’ve known for something life has ended.  So, in 2023 for them, there is no more going on.  When you’ve known people they are always with you.  So when they’re gone, the grieving process differ in impacts.  Experiencing death of someone can be seen as both positive or negative and that is personal.  I will leave that discussion only in my head but let me say that nothing is black and white.  Many things in life are in shades of gray the death of someone for many can fall in that grey area, honestly.   I have no doubt that if death has been a situation you’ve experienced, I’m sure you could be writing this article, “Goin Thru”.

So, if we’re still alive then 2023 has been a “Go Thru” year.  As we live it is inevitable that we face many of life’s circumstances.  Whether these life’s situations can be seen as positive or negative, it can take time to be revealed.  And therefore, life has to be continuing lived and hopefully, with some sort of understanding of life’s issues can be achieved.  An example that comes to mind is “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Whether we want to admit it or not life is very complicated.   The “Goin Thru” aptitude in turn can be seen as going through things that are hard which seem like issues are as hard as concrete, as it is represented here by the flower in concrete.  For me this represent the understanding of what it takes to keep moving toward life with understanding and gratitude. A couple of slang terms I’d like to add here that you may have heard is what this piece stems from,  “Goin Thru” like “keep on keeping on”, “keep on trucking” and one most famous saying “keep hope alive”.   (To keep moving toward something like a flower needing the sun to survive, a keen insight in the “Goin Thru” process which takes the ability to live life and it not be so labor intensive.  This intense labor impacts the way we manage the foundations of life and achieve its desired results in the big three.  Let’s face it life has various foundations such as financial, professional, mental and/or relational that are a constant in which living has based.   I see these as what I call the big three (another one of my pieces I’ve entitled), but I’ll leave that for another discussion.  Bring harmony to our lives in these foundations is always volatile.  When “Goin Thru” in my life, recording life’s process of life is a big thing with me.   This need to paint and keep a journal is what I require as I continue thru life.  I’ve have been doing so for many years.  Understanding this has been an avenue that brings balance to the big three.  See, in the big three one can be out weighing the other but sometimes the need for attention the other is lesser, unpack that.   However, I like to mention here the a suddenly in any one area can also offset the balance toward this plus.  For example, winning a prize or getting a great gift and any other things what I call milestones occur because the small victories that lead to the larger victories that happen over time. 

Painting and journaling helps me to see life in this abstract in a more broader perspective because when you worked to something (like the sun) if you take a good look, that that is worked the hardest for is the sweetness of life and serve as a means for gratitude and celebration!   Flower in Concrete Note to self:  I really need to say this.  I seek honest feedback on the pieces that I create.  However, the feedback that I received on this piece was honestly, lack luster.  Most people say the piece was ok, they were honest, much appreciate, but my response would be, no this is my favorite piece, so this is why I like this piece. 

Anyway, living this life, if we were honest, is that we’re always “Goin Thru”.  The thing that can missed is that we’ve made it through.  However, without any retrospection it would be had to fill out the balance sheet.  In other words debits or liabilities, pros or cons, good or bad that is experienced.  As a pointed out early, these can be in shades of grey.

“Goin Thru” process that we live each and everyday seems so routine.  However, psychologist say is that changes over time is more lasting than the suddenly that come with so much attention required.  In other words the process gets more focus than the milestone that are produced.  “Goin Thru” requires accepting the process and show gratitude for each moment.  For example, when we go through a relational challenge were focus on what the issues are.  Rather than focusing on the management skills it takes to go thru. For example, having a focused goal that it takes time to achieve, is a management skill that helps to keep on living and be grateful for life.  Let’s be real sometimes we have to cry or be depressed, sometimes we can’t buy what we think that we need and/or want, sometimes we lose friendships, sometimes we have to work when others seem to be living it up.  I could go on and on.  However, at most times we miss the pay raise, or the new relationship, personal success or etc.

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A Portrait Love

Love   1)  an intense feelling of affection or Infatuation and/or being in love with;  2)  something greatly enjoyed

This picture is one of my favorite pieces (see virtual gallery) painted years ago as a reminder of a place in time. It represents that romantic love is beautiful between two people when it works.  So in light of its owner recent passing, what this piece represents seems relevent to highlight in depth.  Inspiration for this piece came when trying to understand romantic love’s challenges, and why some relationships just don’t work even though there’s deep connection and passion.  For those unlucky in love, how to be successful with romantic love for some can be indefinable. Furthermore, its hard for people to admit that some relationships just won’t work out and how then to find the strenghth to leave it all together.  I’m am no expert, but here’s a few ideas why relationships don’t work.  Relationships fail because of the lack of honest communication that leads to too many boundaries that are crossed, values that don’t align, or in problem solving physcial, verbal or emotional abuse become a recourse.  An important note: any forms of abuse should be a relationship deal breaker, if not honestly confronted.  Romantic love should never be an reason to give abusive behavior a pass (most abusive situation are between intmate partner and can be unreconizable to those not involved).  So in turn, the opposite these attributes can be the basis for a successful relationship.

There are various types of love friendly, infatuation, compassion, passion and unrequited.  Each come with several levels of intimacies, understanding what level of intimacy that you are good with is a plus.  Recognize that romantic love’s intimacy is much more than just physical, it is much deeper than sex.  Being intimate means access to a person’s inner most being which can exposes one’s ability whether to handle being vulnerable.  The reality is that vulnerabilty is not easy to manage because it opens one up for the possiblility of being hurt, emotional stress.  Coping in relationships requires having sources of self-care, but if self-care is not a personal practice this is where unhealed trama triggers make intimacy impossible.  Futhermore, vulnerable automically comes with being in romantic love, and the practice of open communication, forgiveness and learning steps of emotional healing can make all the diffierence in being successful in relationships. 

Romantic love can effect individuals in many different ways, which can include both positive and negative behaviors which is represented by the shapes and variations of colors of this piece.  Understanding these aspects of romantic love can be elusive, especially when attachments are formed which lead to a loss of objectivity.  What I came to understand is that romantic love can be a frightening intense human emotion for some.  Reactions to love’s mental impacts can be tricky to recognized and/or manage except with complete honesty of needs and expectations.  In some cases, the reactions to romantic love’s impacts can be unstable and become dangerous in it’s extremes responses, in so doing induces irrationally behavior at times by one or both parties.  To be sure, understanding love’s impacts requires a certain amount of determination, matured emotional competence, and the understanding of people background.  With the consideration that romantic love’s impacts can be both positive and/or negative in emotional responses.  The ability to reconginize which is taking place whether conscious or unconscious is beneficial, and can be the basis for problem solving in relationships. 

The positive aspects of romantic love can be benefits to ones mental health, satisfy many human needs such as authenticity, commonality, passion, acceptance and most importantly selflessness.  The fulfillment of such human needs can attribute to real connection and lead to various degrees of well-being and quality of life. 

On the hand, romantic love can have negative impacts on a person’s mental health. These negative impacts can be expressed in attacks of depression, increased stress, jealousy, obsessiveness, possiveness, sadness, and abuse for one or both participants.  Let’s note here, that this is where many abusive situations can arise between intimate partners, to complicate matters, most family/friends miss the signs and can blame the victim if exposed.  In any case, seeking help is a must if romantic love’s impacts interfers with a person ability to function normally.  If not resolved, leaving the relationship maybe the only recourse.  Keep this in mind that both emotions can true at the same time and one can out weigh the other.  The willingness to accept positive and negative impacts of love’s intense emotion must be accomplished for the full expression of love to be experienced. 

The conclusion, if unable to confront many of the challenges to romantic love can be very exasperating which can then lead to repeated cycles of dsyfunction.  For most, navigating love’s impacts to form successful mutual relationship are done at an unconscious level in the majority of instances.

 A picture of love can say much more than just a snapshot in time, you just have to look.

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The Mirror

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Pro Tip:  Always Honest
This is quite a lengthy article but worth the read, I promise. Don’t lie, this was one of the first thing that for many is taught as a youth.  My grandmother use to say “honesty is the best policy”.  To be honest is to be on the path to self-awareness which provides room for one to take an honest self-view of oneself and what one believes.  Rest assured, in the truth that what you believe has a direct connection to ones mindset which in turn controls behavior.  As a human being we posse the ability to think and reason unlike the animals who for the most part live only on instinct.  Let me say it again, for most human beings being honest was taught to us from an early age.  However, learning from many challenges that I have faced, there is a real challenge to being honest, if you not aware of the human resistance to its presence and/or operation, true opportunity for honesty will be missed.

Being honest is hard because it’s against human nature, there are two, the physical and spiritual parts of human beings, which is a double-edged sword.  Let me explain, the two parts of being a human being is spiritual and physical.  If you only live from the physical part which most have the propensity to reside, I will describe as the base nature (instinct) of human beings, on the other hand, the upside to human beings that I will describe as the higher (spiritual) nature of human being which we all posse.  As stated earlier, the distinction of being human (most take for granted) is that we can think, reason having complex thought which provides the path to create (manifest) our existence. This comes with human cost which is payment for creating what we believe.  For example, (being honest) telling the truth at most times is accompanied with emotional discomfort (most discard this feeling repeatedly in avoidance of its uncertainty) which if understood is the mechanism or signal that the physical part of human nature is in charge.  Then, end result is that humans being tendency is to be habitual be dishonesty.  So, the conclusion for human being is the ability choose which part of its nature makes our life’s choices but without help with it is impossible.  However, be encourage there’s an answer for this dilemma, but I’ll save that for another timed, but Jesus put it this way “take your cross and follow Me!

   Question:  Have you ever asked yourself why did I tell the truth?  Or from the opposite perspective that we are most familiar with “why did I lie?  If you have never asked yourself these questions, this article might be useful later in your life’s journey.  Contemplating both questions are necessary to assess your motives in life.  Are you only honest when it puts you in a good light which is also the reason why you are dishonest?  How honesty or dishonesty is only used to your seemingly advantage then I say that leads to a life of denial about who is the real self, because as I have stated earlier that human being have a nature of duality.  Let’s be honest that we all have done and said things that have not put us in a good light, the kicker is when we must live with their consequences, and if this tendency the only see yourself in a good light is not acknowledged then there is no room for self-improvement and becomes the nurturing ground for self-denial which provides no path true honesty.

Being honest with first yourself and others is a learned behavior and practice makes perfect.  It is a life skills lesson that is learned overtime.  The earlier you begin the learning process the easier it gets to be honesty with yourself and others no matter what becomes an instinctual behavior. 

Note:  True honesty and not false humility has the direct impact on improving your life in various areas in life, such as relationships, professional, financial, etc.  This builds strength and fortitude and an understanding of who you really are!

Taking an honest look at oneself will bring up issues that can be shameful, guilty, envy and/or embarrassing.  What causes the conflict is if there exist the tendency of only see yourself in a good light and therefore any experience that contradicts this will be denied.  Here lies the opportunity for growth as a person.  Only by not using this important human being information does the human exists from view as a static, in other words doesn’t change. 

The ability to change is a key point to declaring maturity and continues to grow as only as far as the ability see truly see a real view of oneself, this can also be called being authentic.  Understanding this will bring clarity that one’s being grown never stops because it is dynamic and can’t be declared at a certain age, size, or station. 

Note:  Being honest in as many situations and issues no matter what light that you appear in is the practical application of truth.   

Hence, the more you practice true honesty no matter what light it puts you in the more you get familiar with the natural human tendency to disregard the discomfort and use it as the indicator of the physical attempt to hinder the spiritual growth of human being which is fuel to analyze the human motivations whether it be of fear or faith.  The conclusion, whether you will live by the motivations of your physical responses (fear) or your spiritual responses (faith).  You create your life by your responses to life’s issues and challenges:  Always be Honest.

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Keep Moving Forward

Keep Moving Forward

What to do when the storms.  Sitting at my writing desk, the weather forecast for some days has been calling for severe storms in my area.   Storms are changes in the atmosphere that come with wind, rain and sometimes thunderstorms.  If you thought about it, storms are predictable from a meteorology perspective.  Let me repeat storms occurrences come from disturbances that happen in the atmosphere, meteorologist call it an atmospheric attack.  When cold and hot air form as it impacts the earth’s surface is a simplistic description of a storm.  This one physical description of a storm, but there are also other types of storms.  Some people call them the “storms of life”.  I can testify that there were many times when the “storms of life” came to my life I was unprepared.  As with a physical storm having candles, non-perishables’ and other emergency items should be on hand.  This is also true when it comes to the “storms of life” which also require being prepared for many adverse life situations.  Storms of life are attacks on things that maybe consider stable like financial, relational, professional and health.  Likewise, preparations for when life gets rough must be employed.  Now there are some people that under estimate the power of storms and just say well I can ride it out, which may work a time or two, good luck with that.  For me over the years planning for storms lessen the impact of the effects of the things that occur that are out of my control.  For example, like most, in case of my death i have life insurance, but there are things i can put in place like car warranty in case of malfunctions, saving accounts for financial emergencies and life skills.  Having some  of these preparations can create normality even though there’s instability happening around you and allow you to continue to move forward.  Trying to figure out where the storm is coming from while you’re in the storm is futile, that can wait for an after the attack assessment.  The truth is that the storms of life come to everyone, though many may be those whom try to give the impression that their life is storm free.  Let me say that that is a bunch of ****!  What I do know is when the storms of life come the important thing is to keep moving forward.  Moving forward in the “storms of life”, for me means that one, it is a time for gratitude because somethings just come with being alive.  When the storms of life come to disturb my stability there comes an opportunity to find out what’s in your character, “when times get tough the tough get going”.  Meaning that when you human super powers go into effect because you have prepare you mental toughness, you financial planning, your supports systems, etc.  There are much more that can be said, but I have a question when the storms of life are raging are you prepared.

Being at Home

Wow it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything I’ve just been so busy with that thing called life, you know, and with that you have, at times things, opportunity and/or issues that get to be time consuming and requires focus to resolve and/or achieve.  Then there’s that period afterward when you get to reflect and rest from the life’s process that had just taken place.  As I listen this Sunday morning E-church, (on my grandson’s birthday) with the desire to participated in worship portion of the service, there was a breath of freedom that ran over me and I said to myself that its wonderful “being at home” and then I hear a reply “with myself”.  This was ironic thing is I was active participating in e-church, Sunday’s has a state of “being at home” for me and looking back on history for many Black American being a part of local church was one place where people of color had as a place and means to release the traumatic experiences in their lives in the times when dealing with harnesses of oppression/and just life’s and its issues.  The state of “being at home” can be seen as a place of rejuvenation and celebration. Furthermore, being interactive in participation at church was a state for many “called Sunday go meeting folks” or “being at home” church. 

In describing “Being at home” that on can experience from several viewpoints.  For example, you can “be at home” within various levels of intimate relationships.  you can feel “being at home” within a physical atmosphere like in favorite room or chair.  As I mention earlier “being at home” being at home with oneself to note a few examples of “being at home”.

 As the day went on, I continued my conversation with myself as began to fold laundry and then organizing some paint supplies which reflects “being at home” like in simple everyday task, the liberty to be myself like the Lionel Richie song says “Easy like Sunday Morning”.  So, if I want to sleep all day which is something that I enjoy whenever I can or create space for whenever.   “Being at home” is planning\using my time is something I need to do in order to manage a full life, I sure many can relate to the importance of time management.  However, when someone recognizes my need to management my time and that I really don’t understand those that waste time with the knowledge in reference time  there needs to be balance and the ability to be flexible.  Those who understanding this about me gives me that state “being at home” with myself and others.  Listening to my body when it needs rest for both mind and body is another aspect of me that is becoming more and more important for me as I get older.  I’m coming to the realization that aging mean physical body changes and one must as I’m learning must compromise with the things that I give my energies to.  As my sister says “sisters need their sleep”, which always causes knuckle between her and I, I always feel like ‘being at home” with my sister.  She and I laugh bunches when we are together. 

Certainly, I enjoy spending time with my children which I definitely know the most familiar “being at home” in great measure!  Spending time with grandkids, extended family\friends, painting, cooking, woodworking or gardening when time allows is something that I enjoy from time to time.  These things maybe a simplistic narrative but it gives glimpse of being oneself and being ok with it.  “Being at home” for me means that doing you without criticism, judgements or complaints and setting your own boundaries in a calm state to be yourself and all the nuisances that come with being you.  Being at home affords one the ability to move with passion and faith rather than fear and anxious ness.  Being at home affords one the ability to express humor, laughter, frustration, confusion, sadness happiness and joy while you or those around you receive you to be without controlling your narrative is my definition of “being at home”.  For me being at this point in my life that being at home gives the kind of pleasurable for me that is a constant flow of absolute joy and contentment.  Furthermore, being a best friend to myself has given way to not needing to be with anyone and still feel needed, wanted, valued and fulfilled.  I hope for you too that as you move through your life experiences its filled with “being at home”!

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An Embrace

An embrace is something that many take for granted.  As evident with the current health crisis, not being able to hug someone has had on the human existence.  An embrace is an expression of affection, acceptance, appreciation and value.  The result is detrimental effects on mental health has been revealed largely due to the lack of touch.  In other words humans needs to be touch. From a physical perspective an embrace can speak volumes from a physical and non-physical expressions.   A physical embrace is an expression of feelings of intimacy, love, attraction and validation. 

As a new grandmother, physical affection and/or an embrace can have profound importance during infancy and childhood.  At most for babies, an embrace is used to soothe, calm and other very necessary benefits.   These benefits don’t change as we get older.  An embrace or hugging builds trust, a sense of safety, boost oxytocin levels as well as strengthen the immune system.  So, in our everyday relationships we could be taking something for granted that could help us build intimacy that has already been built into our DNA.  My suggestion would be to say when those whom you have relationship with a hug and/or embrace I would encourage not to turn it down because it’s nature’s way of encouraging those whom we come in contact with to touch the human psyche in a positive way.  I know it today’s climate hugging can be a health hazard, but I you have someone to hug please don’t take it for granted.

As depicted in the piece displayed in this article is an embrace for one’s self can be just as beneficial to one’s mental health.  I once revealed that I am an avid journal-writer, which continues today.    As I was working on this piece I notice that in my journal entries I was working on self-acceptance.  Being able to be true to one’s self is all about embracing one’s self.  I would like to take that a bit further, in the fact, embracing one’s self is critical but at the same time the ability to not embrace certain expectations of other must also be consider.  I see this because to embrace one’s self the rejection of what other variable to define who you are must be a part of the equation of self-acceptance.  However, in order to accomplish this, one precursor that is key is to have a constant state of self-examination to order to be able to clearly articulate who one is a person and your own unique self-expression.  This will clarity to embracing many aspects of your human content.  I think this is done by affirming various aspects about one’s self which can be manifested in many ways such as self-talk, creative expression and surrounding one’s self with those who embrace many aspects of you which can be seen as good, bad or indifferent while understanding that if your human that comes with contradiction (which is not a subject of a future blog).  Consequently, an embrace can have significant benefits, so embrace as often as possible.

Change

A change is the project, initiative or solution being introduced in the organization to improve the way work gets done, solve a problem, or take advantage of an opportunity.

The definition of insanity some say it doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Change is subtle and if you not paying attention to its characteristics and signs of momentum your opportunity to change is missed.  Resistance to it, change, then becomes innate and the constant state of insanity will persist.

You see change happens everyday and effects many areas of our existence be that aging, environment and day to day experiences.  These opportunity for change is the platforms of which see yourself in its authenticity as, if acknowledge while address will be the means for self-actualization (the realization or fulfillment of one’s talents and potentialities).   If the alertness to change constant present can and will an opportunity to ride its wave to a greater understanding of self, higher self.

Recently, I’ve been addressing this in my own life in addressing change and in this instance to solve a problem.  I’m in the process of transitioning from working full-time to a retire position which is another subject for a later date.  However, one of my recent experiences was a purchase of a new vehicle from a “reputable company”.  This vehicle I became attached to from first sight.  So, I preceded to make the appropriate decision to purchase.  This vehicle met all the requirements that I had researched for weeks.  I knew that purchasing an older vehicle comes with risk.  So, I began to mitigate strategies include risk avoidance, acceptance, transference and limitation. Avoid: In general, risks should be avoided that involve a high probability impact for both financial loss and damage.

 From the beginning of this experience the people involved in this transaction didn’t get the fact that I have through many circumstances have been employing the strategies to minimize risk many times.  These people were dismissive, condescending, disrespectful and had been able to get away with various questionable business practices and because of my continues practice to risk mitigation were unaware of the person I was.  I recognized as time persistence that this was an opportunity for change.

Difficult vs persistence

Here lies this subject of today blog post.  As I was going through this experience while employing mitigation strategies someone of whom I care about very much told me that I was being difficult (someone who is easily annoyed or difficult to please’: bad-tempered, irritable, moody, touchy.)  I found this articulation of me offensive, but not paying any attention to what someone thinks of me which is one of keys to riding the wave of change at seeing my higher self.  Rather than using the word difficult as it as assessed to me as means to produce fear but an avenue of faith of me being a difficult person but rather dealing with a difficult situation as defined here: (Difficult not easily or readily done; requiring much labor, skill, or planning to be performed successfully; hard: a difficult job. hard to understand or solve: a difficult problem.)

Through much effort the issues in dealing with the company with the questionable business practices I had to one realize that this was a difficult situation where many other people’s in this same circumstances, whose outcomes were not what had been the success that the hoped it would be.  This was understood by many consumer reviews.  The process of dealing with difficult circumstance as well as can be said for some individuals requires persistence or another word that can be synonymous is ambition.  In this instance ambition can be seen as a determination to hold people responsible for not being forthcoming in my case questionable business practices.  To make this long story short my objection to mitigate risk was, after implanting my strategies was realized.  However, more importantly reaching to my higher self was realized in that my level of self-actualization was confirmed while it also emphasis one of the keys to living at my higher self was not allowing others to define who are while acknowledging the fact that others have not practice the ability to access their higher self.  Comments on this post are welcomed!

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